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Post by neonorth on Mar 25, 2009 19:37:02 GMT -5
probably not the right fit for Subversify, but I figured what the hell...
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Post by The Late Mitchell Warren on Mar 26, 2009 14:23:02 GMT -5
Damn, I know how both Stephen Hawking and Martin Luther King feel.
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Post by karlsie on Mar 26, 2009 14:40:56 GMT -5
Damn it. These are hilarious. You guys have to keep pushing the envelope, don't you? That no-man's land among the untamed... sigh... maybe we should create a special, X-rated room with a warning sign; there are no boundaries here.
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Post by neonorth on Mar 26, 2009 15:06:16 GMT -5
Damn, I keep on forgetting about the sexual content thing - it's the price one pays when pants are kept at the door just in case someone knocks on it rather than a must have item. The other one I had done, which is less perverse, was this one...
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Post by karlsie on Mar 26, 2009 19:09:25 GMT -5
Neonorth, don't make me cry. Your below the belt humor is really getting to me. We may have to make a peek-a-boo room yet, just for those who wish to indulge in your diversions.
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Maya
Regular Contributor
Queen of the Damned
Posts: 542
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Post by Maya on Mar 26, 2009 20:28:00 GMT -5
Good one Neo, I propose a Happy St. Fido's Day. It can land on Feb.29. I only say that because they might turn it into a doggy marketing event, and trust me I wouldn't be able to tolerate everything dog bone decorations once a year, let alone every four years. Yikes. Forget it, no happy St. Fido's day after all.
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Post by neonorth on Mar 27, 2009 0:11:50 GMT -5
Good lord, a peek a boo room? Why do I get this vision of a bunch of people sitting in internet cafes in trenchcoats with little curtains going up for thirty seconds as they plug in quarters? I did set up a word press blog for some of the older doodles I've done, sort of as an ego thing since rather than spend the big buck on setting up and maintaining my own site as the 'professionals' keep telling me I ought to do and what ever ones, which there will most likely be a 99% probability of unsuitablilty I'll just toss those ones there to let the trench coated leches uncover there.
I like the idea of every four years as St. Fido's day - when I was drawing the thing a couple of days ago and a, well, I can't really call her a friend, more like a Nosey Nellie, remarked the same very sentiments, then added though there should be a day in clebration of her. I told her that the two could be combined in the same day since she was such a bit...I can't remember the rest of the comment, the doctors say that contusions sometimes do play with a person's short term memory to some extent
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Post by karlsie on Mar 27, 2009 1:53:03 GMT -5
Now, i'm laughing my freakin' ass off. The mental picture was just too vivid. We could call it Subversify's Burlesque Gallery just to give fair warning. Each time you hit the button to go in, Pay Pal automatically withdraws a quarter from your account. No payee pal? No lookee. You could be on to something, you know.
My dogs say Fido was a wussy. They'll accept the possibility of St. Bernard, although they think he was a little too woolly and too nice, but they are definitely not going to acknowledgement the sainthood of a pompous poodle who needs manicures and haircuts. Chompers believes the day should be named after his father, St. Growler.
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Post by neonorth on Mar 27, 2009 10:36:50 GMT -5
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Post by karlsie on Mar 27, 2009 16:13:20 GMT -5
Neonorth, i've been sitting here, drumming my fingers on my desk for the last ten minutes because i haven't figured out what to say. Dr. Phall is a brilliant creation. I can easily see him as a "regular" , the type of character readers would check on week after week to see what he'll say next. At this point, i don't know if you are a sprint or long distance runner. Some people rapidly produce some very brilliant pieces, then are quiet for long periods of time; so long at times, the character they presented begins fading from people's memories. Their spontaniety acquires an immediate "hard core" fan base, but the general public, which always looks for new diversions, wanders on, its appetites unfulfilled.
The long distance runner paces himself. His character is close to his heart (no comments, please) and he presents his character's point of view again and again, retaining the interests of his readers and drawing in new ones as they begin to rely on a certain consistency of delivery.
If Dr. Phal is a permanent fixture of your presentation, i'd like him to be featured at Subversify on a regular basis. I would want to use a pace you can maintain with ease. If you're able, as soon as one cartoon scrolls all the way down the page and disappears, i'd like to be able to put another one up. Usually, about every two weeks the page does a complete turn-over. If you think that's a little too rapid, we can slow the pace down; once a month or so; perhaps. It would all depend on how often you think you can draw him out.
You are right about the immortality of a cartoon character. I went through quite a few years as a "Mad" magazine fan. They once did a spoof on how different comic strip characters would look if they showed their real age. Only Charlie Brown looked the same; short, fat and bald headed.
Let me know what you think of the idea; and it's just that; an idea. I think Dr. Phal really understands the spirit of Subversify and would make a very good member.
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Post by neonorth on Mar 27, 2009 16:34:30 GMT -5
I will think about the Dr. Phal cartoon thing; I've been doing him for about two years now, though most of his stuff is done transcript style. The first one went like this:
In order to fulfill my new duties of being a relationship councilor, my super ego has once again fractured – I now have a new persona – Dr. Phall-US (Universal Retard). In order to facilitate him and give him a platform to spout off his diatribes I went to the only place that I knew he would both have an audience and a public forum: the bar.
I talked to the owner, Rene, who, once convinced that he could be the producer and people from blocks around would flock to the studio to be a part of the audience, meaning no longer having to solely rely on welfare payday to make up the majority of the month’s profits, said yes, Dr. Phal could run his relationship scam from the bar.
Part one was successful, but now it was time to think of a set that would give Dr. Phal a comfortable area to spout His Word from. I went out and bought two sheets of plywood and some two by eights and constructed a stage for him, making sure that I cut a large enough hole in the center of my box for him to make his pontifications from comfortably. Next, I went out to the toy store and bought a “Metrosexual Ken” doll, stripped the clothes off and I was set for the premiere of “The Dr. Phal Show”.
The show was slated to start at nine, so being the conscientious person I am arrived at nine thirty (you know, just to reinforce Dr. Phal’s prestige of being a temperamental son of a bitch by showing up late and then acting like time stands still for the famous). I got undressed and slipped underneath the stage, positioning my groin right below the hole in the plywood and then proceeded to think of Margaret Thatcher circa 1983 wearing a purple teddy and combat boots. Dr. Phall rose to the occasion and Rene, now realizing that being the producer of a television show perhaps isn’t as glamorous as he thought it was going to be, assisted Dr. Phal getting dressed.
Rene turned on the spotlight (to which many of the patrons, used to the dimness of the bar screeching in horror and accidentally mistook the start of the show as the rapture) and cued the audience to start clapping and introduced Dr. Phal, in a very snazzy looking bright yellow business suit.
Dr. Phal: Welcome y’all to my little show here. I’m here to help you with your fucked up lives because I live in a wonderful little world where shit doesn’t stink, and I have figured out the entire complex dynamics of human relations that you ass wipes cannot possibly comprehend. I’m here to tell you what is what and keep it real! (Audience claps wildly, several women start crying out “oh thank you Doctor! We are so tired of having to think out problems for ourselves!” Several men groan “not another one of these pricks…”)
Today I want to talk about a very serious epidemic in today’s world – the preoccupation with the size of the male genitals…(hoots and groans come from the audience..one lady asks Dr. Phal if the spotlight is too hot, he seems to be sweating rather thickly…the good doctor answers her with a “Oh Maggie, do me like you did Argentina…”).
Did you know the average depth of a woman's vagina is 4-5 inches? The average length of a man's penis is 5-6 inches, but nobody seems to think that’s good enough. I want to know what you think what the size of a man’s penis should be and why. Now usually I would take a caller, but being this is the first show, we don’t have one. So Rene…everyone, that’s my producer, Rene, let’s give him a round of applause (hoots of “where’s my god damn beer” resound)…call someone up, will you please. Thanks…you got it, alright, let’s put it on the speakers.
Caller: Hello?
Dr. Phal: Howdy! Listen, I’ve got a question for you. What kind of penis do you find acceptable?
Caller: (long pause) Is that you, dad? Mom’s not trying to send you to the gym to look for a guy for me again, is she?
Dr. Phal: Ha! I’m not your father! But I’m here to help you help yourself!
Caller: By asking what size of a cock I like?
Dr. Phal: Damn straight…Look I’m just keeping it real here – so how big to you like the one eyed trouser snake to be when he’s burrowing in your den?
Caller: How much did mom pay you?
Dr. Phal: Come on, I’m trying to be real here – what’s your pleasure?
Caller: I’m so going to kill her…(pause) Fine…Um, small enough to give a blow job without puncturing my lung, long enough to feel without damaging anything inside and minimum width has to fit the circle my thumb and middle finger make when touching tips. Tell mom that I better not catch trying to put a ruler up to the side of my face or trying to measure any diameter…
Dr. Phal: Well, thank you caller! Now how hard was that? When we come back from these commercial messages, I’ll talk to the studio audience on their views. (Two minutes are spent while the audience listens to Dr. Phal talking to himself..”oh Maggie, whisper in my ear about what you did with NUM…and then how you stuck it to the EEC with the rebate…ohhhhhhhh” several members of the audience asked Rene if the doctor should be sweating and jerking around that much) We’re back! So now, let’s hear from some of the audience, shall we? (Dr. Phal bends to stage left, leaving a drop of sweat on the plywood) What about you?
Woman: (plays with her ends of her curly blonde hair) Me? Oh I don’t know…
Dr. Phal: Ma’am, if I wanted any shit I’d just bend over, now what’s your preference? Woman: If it isn’t nine inches, then I’m not interested.
Dr. Phal: And?
Woman: (pouts) I’ve been very bored lately…
Dr. Phal: So why do you need a niner?
Woman: I’ve had three kids, I need something big to feel anything.
Dr. Phal: I see, I see. Tell me something – do you masturbate?
Woman: (giggles nervously) well….
Dr. Phal: now do you use big toys exclusively or your fingers?
Woman: Well…mostly my fingers…..
Dr. Phal: Put your hand up (woman does so)…uh huh…you can put your hand down now. So do orgasm when you diddle yourself with your fingers?
Woman: (face goes red) Well, I do know my body….
Dr. Phal: Right – look, I don’t know where you took your math classes, but you don’t have nine inch fingers. What you got to do is stop dating dead fucks and find someone who is willing to listen to what you want. Sex talk isn’t just “harder, faster, you stud” you know Now (Dr. Phal looks stage right) You, the one in the tank top two sizes too small, what’s your deal?
Woman: Well, Doctor Phal –
Dr. Phal: What was that? I didn’t hear you. Come a little bit closer…a little bit closer…
Woman: Well, I –
Dr. Phal: You know what? I still can’t hear you. I tell you what – Why don’t you just put me in your mouth so I can hear your from your vocal cords directly…
Woman: Wmmfs ssmmrsgf sbhrffgfd fdgfdtrrss sfdsdr r sdfsr sersfsdf fdsf dfsdfsdf mnmffors dsrcslmmmnnm
Dr. Phal: whchfgw?
Woman: svflmf flgg moddd mffljglfj gldfmdl
Dr. Phal: wsmmggif fjfnfgf flflllh od gnl fkldmd odmfmff
Woman: (coughs) Hey, you just spit down my throat!
Dr. Phal: Sorry about that. Well, let’s take a twenty minute commercial break and continue this discussion shall when we get back...
I've just started doing the more cartoon style Dr. Phal and as you can tell, he's a bloody talker and I'm not sure whether I could sort of minimalize his orations. I'll give a ponder and try out a few pages to see whether I can get my meaning without losing the pompousness that both he and I possess....
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Post by karlsie on Apr 6, 2009 15:28:00 GMT -5
Neonorth, your Dr. Phal cartoon has rolled back and i'm thinking it's time to introduce "the rare public appearance" interview. I prefer the cartoon aspect to the script. Remember to never introduce an addiction if you can't back it up with more product. Dr. Phal is a very entertaining character and can easily create an addiction for more of his witty observations.
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Post by neonorth on Apr 6, 2009 15:53:20 GMT -5
Sure, go right ahead. I did finish another Dr. Phal cartoon, which I divided into three sections. I don't know how well it will be recieved - its the good Doc talking to Uncle Sam about Afghanistan and the Nato plans for it. I'll try and get over here tonight when i get back from a very long and tedious meeting that I'd rather not be attending in the first place.
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Post by neonorth on Apr 7, 2009 12:38:47 GMT -5
So do I send the originals to someone again for the interview one?
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Post by karlsie on Apr 7, 2009 17:39:06 GMT -5
Please send it to Grainne since she has learned how to use the comic editing press. I'm still dragging my feet over learning any more technical aspects than i absolutely have to.
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