Answering the Question of Romance

[grainnerhuad]

So having moved the thread, perhaps not everyone read everything in there. However, ADP had brought up the idea that we never talk about romance, that it seems we aren't a very romantic lot.

Which I know, isn't true...at least not for those who are currently active. After reading that I couldn't get it out of my mind though. Yeah we are angry about a lot of stuff, yes, we want some things highlighted changed/made better and yes we like art, alternative and otherwise.

And it's true that we never talk about love or romance or both. And why not?

For myself, it's because I just see that as private. It's not something I spend time shouting about. Unless, there's a lesson to be taught, something to be learned. But, being in a good relationship for 18 years and counting doesn't happen without work and maybe there are lessons there to be shared. Maybe at some point at some time, there needs to be those conversations so real people learn how to have real relationships.

But gods! I can't stand sappy lovey dovey crap.

Anyway, maybe it's just me whose attention that caught. Any of you other romantics have ideas or thoughts?

[asiaticdarkperson]

I do understand what you mean by private, but personally I don't believe any aspect of my life is important enough to be private. The stuff that really matters is impossible to put into words IMO, and automatically becomes private anyway.

To paraphrase that John Lennon quote: Why should love be private, when hate is so public?

[grainnerhuad]

It's the "impossible to put into words effect." I think. Although it isn't really impossible so much as hard. But there are things in our lives as we build with other people I think that we all like to protect to a certain extent as well. For example I may be able to talk about love, romance and family. I am much more reticent to talk about specifics of individuals who don't sign up to be highlighted on the interwebs.

[karlsie]

I think you've summed up pretty well the feelings of falling in love, ADP. When I was younger, I embraced it, swam in it, thrilled to the passions it initiated in me. I wanted the world to know I was in love.

Maybe that sort of love is for the youth, or maybe I just lost my appetite for falling wildly in love. I tend to place more value on long term friendships and the stability of knowing the time spent with my friends will be enjoyable. I had a companion once, but he died. I think I grew weary with trying to find someone who would give me as much satisfaction. Platonic love became more and more comfortable and I quit entertaining thoughts of romance.

Like Grainne, I never really cared for sticky-sweet romance novels or movies. I gravitate more toward adventure. It's probably my primary passion as my companion was an adventurer too, and the time I share with others is usually in camping, hiking and exploring new places.

[asiaticdarkperson]

That's really sad karlsie. I mean losing your companion and all. It's devastating, I can't even begin to imagine the grief you must have experienced. I don't know if I'd be able to handle it, I'd probably kill my self. But since you're alive and sane, all I can say is, Respect. You're really strong.

And in regards the love thing, I don't know if this makes me cruel and heartless, a psychopath or just a creep, but my first priority is knowing my self. This certainly doesn't imply that my love isn't genuine, it just means that I'm kind of a circus-freak voyeur of the "human condition," as represented by my self.

I'm hoping to compile a comprehensive map of the self before I die. For this I need to experience practically everything under the sun, or so I assume. And love is definitely a very complex and confusing phenomenon, it's at once a source of great power and great weakness.

And me likes power.

I am told that witchcraft, as primitive tribal people understand it, is a sophisticated non-verbal understanding of the self and the world. I can see now how the idea of a "love potion" has evolved over time; if love is a product of chemical systems in the body, it should be possible in theory to recreate the symptoms artificially. Can you imagine having the power to make people fall in love with you simply by an act of will, like a touch or a look?

Is this evil? If it is, then there is no non-evil when a power-hungry man deals with society IMO.

[karlsie]

APD, I had two small children at the time; both under three. My friends told me to be strong for my children, and that's what helped get me through. I wasn't sure I could make it as a single parent at the time, but there was a part of me that still felt his presence and his perspective. He had a habit, when he was working out problems, whether financial ones, work relations or behaviors, of getting up in the middle of the night, sitting on the floor under a window, with his legs stretched out and smoking until a solution would come to him. I found myself doing the exact same thing, and oddly enough, I felt an incorporation of the two of us. He was my guidance, we were still a couple, even if he wasn't there physically anymore.

I think knowing yourself is to become aware of your capabilities as well as your direction in life. It also means full acceptance of who you are. The first time I ever told my companion I loved him, he answered, "love yourself first. I'll like it better." I thought that was a very odd (and unromantic) answer, but over the years I've realized those words contained a great deal of wisdom.

[asiaticdarkperson]

Sounds like a cool guy.

[grainnerhuad]

I think knowing yourself is integral to having a companionship that lasts. I would find it a character flaw not to love and know oneself first. Of course we all fall and flutter and whatever when we are young, it's part of learning the self and the other person. But that isn't what "romance" means to me. Romance IS the trail. You see, it is waking up knowing there is always more to know about yourself and the other and how you react seperately and together with the world and the unknown. Romance is hard and painful and work. It is more than flowers and glances. That is the falling bit. The sticking bit is a lot more. Then there is the third part of the story when you have to say goodbye. And yes, Karlsie, nobody bound is ever lost to us, I believe. There are likely more parts but I don't think any of us gets to know that yet.

[karlsie]

I think the thing about loving yourself is that if you don't like who you are, you're kind of miserable at loving others. You see your own faults reflected, and they are disagreeable, but if you accept all your warts and quirks, the warts and quirks in others appear just fine.

I suppose there is still a romantic side to me. When I work on my novels, I find some of my characters falling in love. I never truly plan it, but when they begin interacting, it seems a natural consequence of the traits I gave them.

ADP, isn't kama sutra a study of this power to hold a spell over others just by a glance, a movement or a touch? There's a lot of power even in a thought. Some people are said to have magnetic personalities or charisma. All they do is work into a room, say a few words and they have everybody's attention. They aren't always especially good looking, or sexy. They just have this special ability to draw people to them, like an aura or a vibrational energy.